A Smiling Face from Christmas Past

Behind Danny Kaye's smile was a personal life as complicated as any of his trademark, comic tongue-twisters.




The Danny Kaye Show, "Christmas Show, with Mary Tyler Moore and Nat King Cole"
OB: December 25, 1963, 10:00 p.m. EST, CBS
I was born three weeks after this show was first broadcast.

Once upon a time, we used to have variety shows.  (Sigh.)

They were likely the earliest network shows in both radio (The Eveready Hour) and television (Hour Glass).   From The Texaco Star Theatre with Milton Berle to Barbara Mandrell and the Mandrell Sisters, a large variety of singers, dancers and comedians welcomed guests each week as we'd welcome them as guests in our homes.  Pat Boone, Dinah Shore, Andy Williams, Carol Burnett, Sonny & Cher--and the list goes on.

Sometimes we sang along; sometimes we just sat and listened; sometimes we just laughed.  Sometimes they'd bring us recurring characters, like Ralph Kramden, Clem Kadiddlehopper or Eunice, sometimes they'd appear as a character one time only, sometimes they'd spoof movies or TV shows. And often, they'd make just a little bit of sincere-sounding small talk with their guests.  Sometimes it was cheesy to the point of embarrassing; often it was grand entertainment.  There seemed to be a fine line sometimes between those last two.  But chances were, if you had an entertainer who was a gifted enough comedian or singer, they could get their own show and fall into it with ease.  Done well, viewers could always feel the warmth, even if it was sometimes fake warmth.


CBS already had a nice collection of variety shows going into the 1963-64 TV season, old pros like Jackie Gleason, Red Skelton and Garry Moore, not to mention Ed Sullivan.  That fall they would add two more stars who would be renting out space at CBS Television City: still-young 1940s film stars Judy Garland and Danny Kaye.  It was Judy who got the nicest dressing room and most elaborate perks (like a rotating stage) but it was Danny who basically got his choice of time slots--Sunday nights opposite the ratings powerhouse Bonanza, or Wednesday nights.  He took Wednesday, and Judy got Sunday and was pretty much screwed.

There's a better-than-average chance if you know who Danny Kaye is, it has something to do with this phrase: "The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle, the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true."  That famous line is actually a whole routine from possibly Kaye's film masterwork, 1956's "The Court Jester" (and he would re-create it on his television show), in which Kaye's character is trying to keep from being poisoned..  There's also a flagon with a dragon involved.



You might also know Kaye from his other best remembered movie, the one that made him the most money but he least wanted to do: he appeared with Bing Crosby, Rosemary Clooney and Vera-Ellen, in 1954's "White Christmas."  Or maybe you remember him from his guest appearances on The Muppet Show, The Cosby Show and the "Paladin of the Lost Hour" episode of the 1980s Twilight Zone remake.  But there's a lot more to his work, both in show business and the humanitarian world, that is in danger of being forgotten. Kaye's daughter Dena spent a good part of 2013, the 100th year of what Kaye celebrated as his birth year, keeping her father's tongue-twisting memory alive. (Turns out he was actually born in 1911. No one, including his own family, has any idea why he fudged a couple of years.)  She's been campaigning, for instance, to get more of his movies, like "Up in Arms," released on DVD; sure enough, that and three others did get released as a box set.

Born in Brooklyn, to a Russian immigrant in what we now know to be 1911, his birth name was David Daniel Kaminsky. He worked at a radio station before becoming a Borscht Belt comic in the Catskills.  He worked briefly with a dance team, then as a solo act, making his Broadway debut in 1939's "Straw Hat Revue."  Along the way he met the woman who would write a good bit of his musical and comedy material and be his wife, Sylvia Fine. They grew up within blocks of each other in Brooklyn but never met until years later.


Kaye began working in movies, first in some shorts for Educational Films, then on to Technicolor success in movies like "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty," "The Inspector General" and "Hans Christian Andersen" (the latter actually being re-released at some point in my childhood, which would be late 1960s/early 1970s).  He hosted his own variety show on CBS radio in the mid-1940s for Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer, replacing Groucho Marx.  On Kaye's very first show for Pabst, just a few minutes in, he does his famous routine in which he sings a 39 second song, naming 57 Russian composers.  That was Kaye's best comic gift, having a loose tongue and working around tongue twisters.  His "pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle" routine from "The Court Jester" is but one example.  He also did a large number of one man shows on stage, and by all accounts, those may have been his greatest work.  (Too bad a vast majority of us will probably never see any of them.)  His wife, Sylvia Fine, wrote so much of his material over the years, that when the Library of Congress set aside a special website describing the materials they hold from the two, they gave them equal billing, as if they were a team known by both names.

So if Kaye's gifts with really quick tongue twisters made him the Robin Williams of his era, something that began in the 1950s made him the Bono of those years as well.  He was selected as a United Nations "Goodwill Ambassador," and became the public celebrity face of the UNICEF children's fund.  He often toured the world on behalf of UNICEF, and in at least one tour flew the aircraft himself.   Kaye, quite a renaissance man, had all manner of pilots' licenses, and knew how to fly everything from the smallest single-engine planes to a Boeing 747. Kaye was also gifted with culinary skills, with the cooking abilities of a master chef, and even had a small gourmet stove installed on his patio. And he was part-owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers, often flying with the team to road games. He was said to have an encyclopedic knowledge of baseball in general, and once recorded a novelty tune for the Dodgers.

And he also stuck his neck out for freedom, when he joined other celebrities (Lucille Ball, Humphrey Bogart, Groucho Marx only being a few) in speaking out against the House Un-American Activities Committee and their bully tactics in 1947.

Kaye did a series of television specials in 1960, '61 and '62, the latter being a well-reviewed ratings triumph on NBC in which he co-starred with Lucille Ball.  While the two apparently did not get along well at all, they managed to do some fine work together in that special, most notably the Chinese restaurant scene.


While the comparison to Robin Williams, who played the first title character in Mork & Mindy, suddenly has me wondering what My Favorite Martian would've been like with Kaye in the lead role, the fact of the matter is the variety show format was really the best use of his talents.  He was comfortable jumping from character to character as much as he changed costumes for those characters, but could also deliver a decent monologue to the studio audience.  And during the first year of his variety series, the show appeared to be very well put together, to the point that it won four Emmys, including Best Variety Series, beating out The Judy Garland Show in the process.

One more thing: in the 1960s, networks still demanded first run material to run on holiday nights. Reruns over holidays, and pre-emptions by football games, weren't as commonplace in those days.  So the closest complete Danny Kaye Show I could immediately find for my blog, happened to be the one telecast on December 25, 1963....what better way to look at the television work of one-fourth of the starring cast of the holiday classic "White Christmas."  (And I write this as one of 2013's Christmas film releases, Ben Stiller's remake of Kaye's "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty," hits theaters nationwide.)


Danny cold-opens his show against a black background, shushing us and telling us he has what he's been told is "a document of the utmost importance."  It was entrusted to him by his choreographer, Tony Shumley, stressing that it would be "just terrible, if this were to fall into the hands of the wrong people."  He assures us no one will get it away from him, just as a hand reaches from off screen and takes it away.


What follows next is an elaborate, multi-shot spy caper with the paper switching hands from one person to another.  (Remember, this was the year after "Dr. No" introduced James Bond to movie audiences.  And oh yes, it was also smack dab in the middle of the Cold War.)   I suspect this sequence made heavy use of videotape editing, which I'm sure wasn't easy in those quad reel days.  When Kaye finally gets the message back, it says "Merry Christmas."


Then we go to the show's open, and presumably a sponsor billboard, perhaps even a commercial. (Sometimes variety shows come with their original commercials intact on DVD, but not this time.  That's a pity, as some of Kaye's sponsors included Rambler automobiles, S & H Green Stamps and Armstrong flooring, and I'm sure some of those ads would've been a hoot to see.)


We catch Danny on the other side, on a stage decorated by a Christmas tree and what appears to be a large pile of torn wrapping paper that presumably came from gifts.  (The show's writers and director clearly knew its audience would have that same type of backdrop in their own homes, with Christmas being nearly over this time of day.)  Against this background, he breaks into a song called "Once in a Lifetime." He then tells us he has a present for us, and reaches into the wrapping paper to pull out...


...my favorite woman in all of television history, Mary Tyler Moore.

Kaye's original producer wanted Dick Van Dyke as one of his priority guests, "with or without Mary Tyler Moore."  He got Mary first, and as it turns out, Mary was a smash, with a considerable amount of chemistry with Danny.  So she was invited back multiple times.  This was actually her second appearance.


Mary and Danny then appear in a brief sketch in which they play husband and wife.  At first it looks like a typical husband and wife sketch, with hubby trying to get the wife to tell him what she got him for Christmas.  "C'mon, you can tell me, I won't listen!"  he begs.  He thinks he can get her to reveal it by facial expression so he starts rattling off guesses..."A pipe a pouch...ashoearingabat...aballagloveachair?  A desk a cane...a hat, asuitashirtacap?" very quickly in his usual tongue-twister fashion.  What's interesting is the sketch ends with Mary matching him by rattling off guesses the same way and not missing a beat.

After what I'm guessing was a commercial break, Mary (who was a dancer, and had the legs for it I might add) comes out to do a dance number set against the 1920s, with Mary dressed to look like a flapper.  This is one of those old-school Hollywood numbers that may have actually worked better on television than in the movies, as they fit in a lot better in a variety show than a movie with a plot.  It's another one of those things we just don't see any more because we're not the kind of people who appreciate that kind of thing anymore.


Kaye then appears again to introduce "no finer Christmas gift than the one we're about to open."  He's talking about that week's musical guest, Nat King Cole, who first sings a swinging version of "Get Me to the Church on Time."  Then something magical happens: the background changes to a cozy living room with a fire in the fireplace, and he sings his signature Christmas tune, "The Christmas Song."  Here he is, standing on a stage at CBS Television City 50 years ago this very week, on an old, black and white piece of quad videotape, singing a song exactly the way we've heard it piped into department stores for even longer than 50 years, and he's making it new all over again.  It's a sight and sound to behold.

Danny joins him on stage and makes some small talk with him, recalling the last time he heard him sing "The Christmas Song" two years earlier in Japan.  They had apparently worked together and were backstage spending hours talking about baseball and the Dodgers.  They imitate how the Japanese pronounced the names Sandy Koufax and Leo Durocher.  Then they sing "Jingle Bells" in multiple languages and accents.

After a commercial break, Kaye comes back out, sits on a lone chair close to the studio audience, and begins his late-show monologue.  He recalls touring for the armed forces, when he was in the northernmost tip of Japan, in a very cold place, where he and his pianist were watching TV.  It turns out they were watching Gunsmoke, and he then launches into a funny imitation of how Matt Dillon and Chester appeared with Japanese actors dubbing over their lines.  I realize a lot of Kaye's humor is often the imitation of an accent and that may not come off as "politically correct" in this day and age, but I don't see it coming from a place of hate on his part.  He's mostly a man who can get laughs doing funny voices, is all.  It's not like he's J. Carroll Nash, the character actor who made almost an entire career out of broad stereotypes.

The singing Clinger Sisters are next, and Danny reads letters from admiring male fans, mostly for the older girls (which is good since the younger ones were a bit too young to be hit on by anonymous letter writers). Danny had apparently mentioned the two older girls possibly being "old maids," setting off the letters. Danny then joins them as they harmonize on "Baby, It's Cold Outside."

Then Kaye introduces an operetta by a "non-profit opera company," an elaborate musical sketch that finishes out the show.  Carol Burnett used to do musicals like these at the end of her own show, and they usually are the quickest to get cut from the syndicated Carol Burnett and Friends syndication package.  And that's a shame, as a lot of nice work went into those, as it did into this one.


It's set at a "biergarden" in what appears to be late 19th Century or so Germany.  We know we're in good hands because the first two character actors we see are series regular Harvey Korman (who would go straight from this show to Carol Burnett's show in 1967) and frequent bit player Jamie Farr.  They play young cadets in college, "singing, dancing, dueling, kissing and drinking!" as Korman's character puts it.  "Vat udder subjects are ve studying?" he then asks.

Mary Tyler Moore shows up, portraying a princess who wants to mingle to get a better idea of the common person, the "common poople" as she calls them.  She decides to get a job as a waitress at the beer garden.

Kaye arrives as "Vinnie Chucklemeister," the most honored man in all of Heiselberg.  After he's carried around by the other cadets on their shoulders (who bump his head on the hanging lamps), singing "In Vienna," they celebrate their day, which included throwing the headmaster into the danube, "and it's only eight o'clock in the morning!"


During one of the "In Vienna" reprises, the cords on the back of Farr's costume get caught on a chair.  This was obviously unscripted and Kaye ad-libs around it. ("His fiery steed is aloft!  Vere did you get a horse like this?")  This is part of the charm of seeing these variety shows: during the tapings, mistakes like these were sometimes left in, as it was easier to do it that way than to doing a second or third take on such an elaborate sketch.  The Dean Martin Show was especially notable for that.

While the other two cadets suggest Vinnie hang around and fall in love, Vinnie, the self-titled "kissing cadet," says his lips don't sit home at night.  The cadets assure him, one kiss from the right woman will make him fall in love.  So he kisses the princess/waitress, who suddenly stops still in wide-eyed wonder.   As for Vinnie, his buttons turn into flashing lights.  Sure enough, they fall in love on the spot and Kaye sings some more apparently original music, a song expressing his feelings of love but consisting of angry-sounding, clunky German words, and he pulls this off very well.  Mary does the same thing on the next verse, making a hilarious punchline out of the German language.


Vinnie declares he's a poor student and the only thing that could get in the way would be if she were a princess.  But then the consort comes back and tells the princess she's due at the palace, blowing her secret; apparently Vinnie thought her tiara was "high hair pins."  It sends the heartbroken Vinnie and his fellow cadets into a comically ugly cry.  Then another consort tells Vinnie his own six years are up and he is due back at a palace.  Apparently Vinnie forgot he was a king.  "You don't read the paper von day and you forget everything that is going on!"  So they're off to get married, being carried on everyone's shoulders.


The show ends with Danny, Nat and Mary, backed by a chorus, all singing "Let There Be Peace on Earth." Danny thanks his audience and wishes them a Merry Christmas, and the show ends, the closing theme, "Rendezvous In May," playing over the credits.

It's a warm, likable hour from a talented man who seems likable enough himself.  Offstage...it was more of a mixed bag.

Danny Kaye was married to the same woman from 1940 until his death in 1987, but not 100% happily it seems.  He left her for his radio co-star, Eve Arden, with whom he had a lengthy affair, but eventually came back and swore never to leave Sylvia again.  But by all accounts he still didn't remain faithful.

For all his apparently on-stage friendliness and sincerity, Kaye had a temper and was often cold and dismissive.  His supporters argue (and concede) he was a perfectionist who gave everything he did 100%, but had no patience for others who didn't.  Then again, there are stories about Kaye blowing up at people for the "crimes" of, say, telling him "I hope you feeling better soon."  ("Why should you care?" he once reportedly bellowed back,while hobbling on a burned leg from a cooking accident.)  For all the interaction he did with children, through UNICEF and with performers like the Clinger Sisters and child actress Victoria Paige Meyerink, he didn't always get along especially well with children.  Meyerink even scaled back her appearances when she began to feel a bit hurt that Kaye was apparently "pushing her buttons," like for instance, having a set painted yellow after finding out it was her least favorite color.  (This, for a black and white show, meaning it couldn't have been necessary.)  Those claims of perfectionism fall apart when one hears some awful stories of his constantly acting up during his role in the Broadway musical "Two By Two." Perhaps it's a testament to his acting skills that he could "fake" sincerity so well, if indeed that was the case.


But still, think about this: Kaye had talent to do a lot of things.  He could've been a deadly serious actor, for instance, as he showed with his jaw-dropping performance as a Holocaust survivor fighting a neo-Nazi protest in the 1983 CBS TV-movie "Skokie."  He could've just held an occasional fundraiser or handed an occasional big check to UNICEF or some other charity, but he flew around the world tirelessly for that fund, just as he did to entertain troops in war and peace alike.  And there are plenty of people who have very nice stories to tell of Kaye--for instance, the time he cooked a gourmet Asian meal for the workers installing a swimming pool in his backyard.  Even the guy who got his head bit off for daring to say "I hope you feel better soon," thinks highly of Kaye.  So does Victoria Paige Meyerink.

Then again, who are we to judge?   We're now so edgy and ironic as a pop culture, we can't enjoy a simple, old-school variety show anymore.  Saturday Night Live and The Daily Show With Jon Stewart have all ruined us forever on variety shows and the patter and music that would be involved.  The closest we have anymore are late night talk shows, award shows and every once in awhile, a special.  Perhaps all we really have the right to ask any performer is that he or she entertains us. Perhaps we should take some comfort in the fact that Danny Kaye was truly happy when he clocked in, just as he did on that Christmas Day in 1963 (or more specifically, weeks earlier when it was taped). Instead of pretending to invite us into his home for Christmas like Judy Garland did (in his case it might've looked like a cooking show...plus Kaye was Jewish and might not be celebrating anyway), he simply went to work like he always did at Television City, at least for four years. Maybe we should take comfort in the fact that he might've been a bit cold to the people who saw him offstage, because he was saving his best for the rest of us.

Availability: This is part of a Danny Kaye Christmas DVD that came out in the late fall of 2012 and can be easily found for a nice price.  Harder to find is a compilation DVD of the best sketches from his show, or other complete shows in general.

Next time on this channel: it's the busy holiday season, so...reruns.